I haven’t posted anything since April 2020, it is now early September, and unfortunately the tides of summer are slowly withdrawing its grasp. Many things have happened between then and now, and it’s just too taxing to explain in one post. The situation with the coronavirus, although at times seeming a bit played out, it’s lingering effects is felt in every country on earth. This year I’d plan on taking two vacations, one in May and the other in November. May has passed, and November is around the corner, and I don’t think my plans will materialize, so now all I have are the memories from my last trip. Since this blog isn’t solely about travel or my adventures in food, it’s time for me to tell a tale of what I’ve come to understand during this time of corona.
“The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you ’cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it’s a very, very,
Mad world…” – Tears for Fears (1983)
It’s indeed a mad world, but out of chaos comes order. My only hope is that the order isn’t too rigid. I believe that the world has always been chaotic, but it’s’ only when we are in the midst of madness we tend to think our suffering is greater than those who came before us and will precede us. The one thing that grew out of all this madness was my learning how to measure my happiness and allowing the yearning for a simpler life to control me. This realization came in my early 20s, but it was crudely reinforced in these past few months that simplicity is better. The current wave of minimalist is at an all-time high, but for me, I am beginning to see it as a way of life that brings order to my chaos.
Am I a liability?
Perhaps I was one of the fortunate or unfortunate few whose work didn’t decline or turn into a work-from-home setup. I continued working at the height of the pandemic, never missing a day, and often working more hours than necessary. My work schedule and tasks quadrupled as the number of co-workers declined.
I must say I’ve been a bit unfortunate in the work department for many years; while I am often gainfully employed, the companies with whom I seek employment with have shown me that employees are more of a liability than an asset. During this time, I learned that my feelings of being a liability weren’t far from the truth. While I am paid on time, the rules and policies they engage in illustrated that they do not care and would rather fewer complaints and no requests better paid. What I have come to learn about work is that I don’t know my worth as an employee. Still, ultimately, I recognize the need for a change in the type of companies I align myself with. This shift in thinking has made me understand that my next move away from my current employer will have to be my best move yet. I know the truth has to do with my presumed self-worth and the fact that the only liability that truly exists is my inability to break the mental entrapment I find myself in. There is a deep unconscious current running through all of us that sometimes makes us believe that we cannot do better. Some entities are only too willing to take advantage of that fact. I know this is a very vague stance to take, but I promise that I will explain when I am not bounded to contractual agreements in more detail. I hope the little bit of information I offer about the industry I currently find myself in will become words of wisdom or a warning to a few.
I’m In Love with the Solo
While I don’t think social media is the best gauge of how outgoing or friendly a person is. I can say that my account was established in 2008, and in 2020, I have less than 150 friends. I am a bit picky with whom I befriend. Still, ultimately I tend to be able to not only use my experiences to gauge how genuine people are, but I tend to be able to feel their intentions without seeing it being acted out or verbalized. Island people like to call this “vibes”. This has caused me to only connect with a small group of people.
During this time, I grew madly in love with being alone! I find that as I aged, it’s becoming increasingly hard to make friends, but to be honest, I never had the notion that I was some unique species of social butterfly. I know this more now than ever that I am just not that type of person. While I would love to have someone I could vomit the contents of my mind and heart to, I just know that I have to master being my own best friend in a way that encourages better self-esteem, more motivation, and a positive self-image.
Movies Move Me
I have always been into movies and television shows, I’ve spent more time watching movies and television versus socializing. I would say my favorite genres are horror, British television, foreign or art-house films. I’ve found such peace in the movies and TV shows that paint a landscape in my mind that transports me to a different time and place. Long before the pandemic hit, I took great pleasure in whining down after a long day in a dark room between clean sheets watching a good television show or movie. While I do miss dressing up to go to the theater, nothing can stack up to the comfort of watching a movie at home or in your safe space just before you gently drift off to sleep. This is now an enjoyable part of a routine and one that I think I will keep long after COVID-19 has resulted.
I have found an excellent coping skill is to call to action the idea of thinking about your future self in your ideal situation. In thinking about my future, I can be a bit bipolar at times. One minute my future is doomed, and the feelings of being stuck in a meaningless career field sinks in deep. Then there are the feelings that I am doing everything right, but still getting punishing results, which brings me to tears. On the other hand, I experience a burst of glee thinking about my future and how different it could be. I think about the goals I would like to achieve with my blogs, photography, writing, starting a new academic goal. My future will be happy, healthy, motivated, adventurous, well written, well-traveled, showed with love, and just being me.
Ultimately the best lessons I’ve consumed during these months is understanding that the world is a mad place, and it will always be. It will be no madder today than 100 years ago or 100 years from now. Just like everyone else, I march forwards with the crowd until we cannot march anymore, all while coming to various conclusions about ourselves and life, and this is what I’ve learned thus far.